HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

All the charm of the DMV, all the competence of a Bush appointee…

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(Time) Katrina Victims Facing Collectors?
We’ll start once again with the thought that Brownie did a helluva job. And when our Fearless Leader–you know, the one who wishes he was in Afghanistan having a romantic encounter with danger like he didn’t have when he was sort of in the National Guard–finally realized that the federal government had to do something about all those POOR people besides Trent Lott–he cracked the whip and sent his corp of incompetents rushing down to throw money around madly, not bothering to account for who they gave it to. That’s what happened in Iraq–they sent down truckloads of hundred dollar bills–on pallets–do you have any idea how many hundred dollar bills it takes to load a pallet? And they just threw it away. Threw it away…there’s about 10 billion dollars in CASH that no one can account for. Who’s got it? Not the Iraqis you can bet. So, the American branch of these incompetents rush down to the Delta and throw money around wildly. And now, they’ve run out of money–with 1/3 of the claims yet to be filled! So what are they going to do now? You got it–go try to get it BACK! Not necessarily from the people they overpaid–from the people they can put the screws to. In other words, the poor who lost their homes get to get screwed again. Kanye West was wrong. Bush doesn’t care what color you are–as long as you’re dirt poor, it’s all the same to him–someone to be screwed.
Isn’t criminal negligence an impeachable offense?

TSA! TSA! Keeping our skies safe for democracy

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(AP) Woman says TSA forced piercings removal
Now who’s gonna keep up safe from TSA? The last time she checked, Mandi Hamlin said, “a nipple was not a dangerous weapon.” Hey, stealing my best line. BUT remember Janet Jackson? Corrupting all the youth in America as well as ruining the Super Bowl for their dads (guffaw, snicker) by her “wardrobe malfunction” as Justin Timberlake so delicately described it? True, that nipple was not a weapon of mass destruction, it was just a weapon of mass distraction! It spread terror in the hearts of all right-thinking Americans that their living rooms could be invaded by gangs of marauding tatas at any given moment, and all we had to defend ourselves with was the FCC. Now, the TSA has taken it upon itself to defend us against airborne mamillary attacks and I say, Good for you! Maybe you’ll take the same care to defend us against Prince Alberts and Dydoes!

Whoops, I misspoked it again …

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CNN–Clinton says she ‘misspoke’ about sniper fire
Now, hear me out… if you’re like me, you’re getting pretty tired of all this “misspeaking” that seems to have been going around since the Bush administration took over. But now, with Hillary doing it, it seems to have become a communicable disease, or rather, a non-communicative one. And frankly, that’s making me sick. Just what are we supposed to understand by “I misspoke.” It sounds like, oh, I made a booboo, I said Iran when I meant Iraq. OK, that could be misspeaking, you meant one thing but you said another that was so similar, you had a brain fart. Or you said, Mark McGwire when you meant Barry Bonds–after one, they’re both baseball home-run hitters on steroids–and they look so much alike 🙂 Or you could make a Freudian slip, like the guy who said his wife’s sister’s name in bed and got the ride of his life. But misspeaking is not like the kind of Freudian slip in the old story–oh dear, I had such a Freudian slip this morning…I was at breakfast and I went to ask my wife to pass the orange juice, but instead it came out, “You ruined my life, you f****** bitch!” And it sure as hell doesn’t mean, oh, I meant to tell the truth, but instead, I came out with some wild story to make me look better. The Bush-ites have been doing it consistently for the last 7 years–and getting a pass from the media–and now we have Hillary coming up with some wild story about arriving in Bosnia under sniper fire, when what she meant was, a school girl came up and read a poem to me. Now I’ll grant you, school children reading poems CAN be deadly, especially Bosnian children. But really, Hill, this isn’t a simple misstatement. It’s a Lie. We haven’t hear that term in a long time because George Bush termed it an incivility–and unpatriotic if you used it about anything he said. But that’s what it is, Hillary. Maybe your memory told you there was sniper fire when there was not. “That is sniper fire,” your brain said, as the cadences rolled off the young Bosnian girl’s tongue. But, to paraphrase your husband, that all depends on what the word “is” means. Maybe that’s why your marriage turned out to be so strong? 🙂

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