HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

Trying to Have it Both Ways

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Ahhh, Hannah Montana, such a boundless bundle of innocent energy, leading a double life as an ordinary person and a tween idol. And guess what? looks like Miley Cyrus has at least two (if not three) lives she’s leading as well–how life doth imitate art. Lemme see, she’s one of those super-talented Disney kids growing in the hothouse atmosphere of Disney exploitation, a Christian doing it all for Jesus, and … what’s this? a normal girl? Someplace buried under the hyped up talent and the hyped up sweet Christian innocence? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she isn’t talented. She’s at least as talented as a couple hundred thousand kids her age who DON’T have a famous dad and a multibillion dollar conglomerate behind her. And I’m sure her faith is, well, about as genuine as any 15 year-old’s who hasn’t found out about real life yet (something that, if she’s careful, she’ll never really have to do and can become President). But has she had a taste of it this time?

You better believe she hasn’t. Look at that Vanity Fair shot by La Leibovitz. Standard Vanity Fair, umm, fare. Right? None of us would have any objection to that shot if it was one of Annie’s standard subjects, une dame d’un certain age who was still trying to look hot. Or even a younger woman, except she’d probably prefer to get her exposure in Playboy and show even more. Miley, as her fans have said, isn’t showing ANYTHING. But that misses the point of what the photograph suggests it is showing. A naked girl sitting with bed sheets over the censorable bits with a smoldering pout and an inviting come-hither look in her eyes. But she isn’t in bed–oh? why bed sheets? But it was just supposed to be “artistic”. Yeah, right.

Miley isn’t so innocent she didn’t know what she was doing. If she didn’t, there were family members and members of her entourage with her to protect her. Tho’ I have my doubts about Billy Ray’s ability to see past “ooo, that’s a hot pose, Miley.” You KNOW they had approval over which shots would be included in the magazine layout. As did the Disney organization, since she’s their most profitable commodity of the moment. So no one was pulling the wool over anyone’s eyes. Certainly not Annie Leibovitz who knew exactly what she was doing. She knew she wasn’t just photographing a pretty girl, she was photographing a pretty piece of JAILBAIT. And it would do wonders for VF’s circulation and her own reputation. No, this was a calculated move on everyone’s part. What gets me pig-biting mad (Ed Anger, where are you now?) is the hypocrisy of everyone involved. Miley Vaniley over there isn’t gonna lose any of her fanbase from this, so she didn’t risk anything and she’s prepped her way to crotch-grabbing Britney Spears-dom after she graduates from the Mousergarten, and remember, little Britney became even more popular after she became legal, until she decided to play house and her widdle brain went all ’splodey. Yeah, a few moms will have second thoughts, but the kids will support their heroine. But watch out Hanna Montana, that path is littered with rockets that burned out on re-entry…

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Justice has not been done…the question is, who didn’t do it?

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I agree with the family and friends of Sean Bell, justice has not been done here. The question is, however, where did it go wrong? The judge, from what I can see, is an honorable man. All sorts of shoulda’s are being thrown at the DA, the investigating police. But the problem is what would be called the “rules of engagement” if we were talking about the military. Deadly force is authorized if an officer has a reasonable belief that his life or someone else’s life will be endangered without it. As we have seen in Iraq, that kind of vague justification can easily lead to all sorts of violence. I thought he was going to shoot, so I shot back first, as the old story goes. But just because the rules of engagement have been followed, that doesn’t mean there is no culpability. A reasonable belief has to be tempered with reasonable actions. One officer thought one of the victims was going for a gun, he opened fire and suddenly there was a fusillade of bullets raining down upon three unarmed men. One officer fired, the rest fired believing his reaction. The case is much more complicated than I can talk about here. But Al Sharpton is wrong–it wasn’t the DA, it wasn’t the judge who were at fault. The fault lies in the authorization of deadly force because all that vague justification means is you can use deadly force if you think you have to use deadly force. It doesn’t mean you have to see a weapon, it doesn’t mean squat. There has to be an inquiry into this case and I hope that it comes to the same conclusion I have.

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And in other penis news, they are stealing them in the Congo…again.

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2008-04-25-cancer_preventio.jpgFOXNEWS.COM HOME–HEALTH
Study: Masturbation May Prevent Prostate Cancer

Well, well, well, not only does it not make you blind, but it’s good for you. Yet, I seem to remember hearing about this a while back. I guess it takes several years for anything factual to get to PoxSpews because according to US News And World Report science columnist Ben Harder the findings were actually reported in 2003 and confirmed in 2004. Maybe in a few years, we’ll find out from Fox that there were no WMDs in Iraq…

As for my other penis news, Reuters–Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital, it seems sorcerors have been shaking down marks by threatening to magically steal their hoohahs. If they don’t get paid, they do the mumbo-jumbo and OMIGOD my penis is shrinking. Sometimes the mark thinks it disappears entirely. To quote the article: “…when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,” he said.” Maybe we can import some of those sorcerers over here. There’s a few big pricks running around the government and business that badly need downsizing…

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