HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

Won’t That Make You Feel Your Kids Are Safer? Just One Question: Who’s Gonna Protect Them From The Teachers?

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(AP) Wis. lawmaker urges arming teachers

(AFP) Wisconsin lawmaker wants to give teachers guns

Now, HOW many teachers have we heard about coercing their students into sexual relationships in the last few years? And this guy wants to arm them? Yunno, something’s got to be seriously WRONG with our system if anyone even THINKS this is a reasonable solution. Of course, given my inbred Eastern European paranoia, this COULD be just a ploy to get our children used to all authority figures packing heat…but considering that two of the three last school shooting incidents involved outsiders coming in, wouldn’t it be SANER to suggest posting a cop at the entrance to each school and having them sign strangers in and out and calling teachers/admin staff to announce their arrival? Yeah, glorified rent-a-cops but much better with actual officers who would actually be empowered to arrest anyone who creates a disturbance and who knows when and WHEN NOT to pull that lethal weapon…

In the meantime, the House Republicans who sat on the news of Foley’s Folly are now going through the motions of an investigation, not to get anywhere BEFORE Nov. 7. We’re also wondering when Foley will name the priest who allegedly molested him as a teenager…when, as Jon Stewart said, he finds a dead priest with no living relatives to sue him…

NEXT WEEK IS NATIONAL SQUIRREL WEEK! As well as the best birthday holiday in the US. We WILL be publishing on the Monday holiday, but taking the FRIDAY off next week so we can celebrate the on the 12th…