HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

Sorry, There’s Nothing In The Archives About JonBenet Ramsey

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2006-08-18-boob_baby_terrorist.jpgNow I KNOW that the most important news story in the world at the moment is whether or not this nutcase who seems to have been in Alabama at the time of the JonBenet Ramsey killing had astrally projected himself to Boulder Colorado in order to accidentally kill her with a garrot, having drugged her without any drugs being discovered in the autopsy (oh yeah, his name in John Mark Karr and he’s been living in a Bangkok bang shop for the last two months, with the media adding the salacious detail that many CHILDREN are brought there by pedophiles, something I’m sure is so rare in Bangkok to be worthy of note), but given my lack, I think that perhaps this entry from 2005 is a bit more to the point of our continuing obsession with making the skies safe by inconveniencing all innocent travelers (You don’t think this will happen in first-class do you? terrrists don’t put out for first-class seating). Now you can’t bring on liquids. Of course, flying dehydrates people so they absolutely need to continually be drinking SOMETHING (everything EXCEPT alcohol which dehydrates you further, but some people are still so scared of flying that the only way they can get through the ordeal is by getting stinkin’ stiff, and they sure ain’t being helped by Homeland Security), but if they don’t serve drinks on a particular flight, I guess you’re just S-O-L. No shave cream, no perfume, no nothing in carry-on luggage, no MP3 players which can be used to detonate your Gatorade, so if you want to bring these things, it’s baggage roulette for ya–will my luggage be there when I am or will it take a sidetrip to San Francisco? When did we become so scared silly? Yeah I know, 9/11 changed EVERYTHING, but seriously, what with warning labels on everything, nothing remotely fun available for children lest it be swallowed or otherwise too dangerous for parents too busy to read age suitability statements. I mean seriously, “Liquid contained inside may be hot” on coffee cups? Are we going to wind up protecting ourselves so much we wind up wrapped in cocoons. Anyway, another of our August 3rd Anniversary Retrospective. Have a Good Weekend Folks!

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