HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

What Happens at the Gas Station, Stays at the Gas Station

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Common glitch at pump adds to gas costs, also cheats station
(AP) BP and Shell post big profits in era of record oil prices
(ShareCast) Exxon Mobil “disappoints” with $10.9bn profit
Yes, folks, remember the Iraq war? The one that was supposed to pay for itself with oil revenues and guarantee the American people cheap oil for the next generation? Well, we’re going to hit $4 per gallon this summer–despite the fact that gasoline demand is DOWN–and the oil companies are still making obscene profits while housing, industry and banking are tanking. And to add insult to injury, they’ve got their fingers on the pump because of defective valves and people are being charged extra per fill-up. And is anybody doing anything about that? Hell, no, it’s illegal but there’s no regulation! Welcome to the country of the corporations, by the corporations and FOR the corporations. As long as they’re petroleum. Which shall not perish from this earth–until the oil runs out.

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Tough Questions …

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(WashPost) Familiar Back and Forth With Oil Executives
(AP) Congress Presses Oil Chiefs on Profits

Ahhh, that old familiar sound. Ka-ching, ka-ching! Do I hear 4 bucks a gallon? how about 5? The top executives of the Big Five–and when I say Big, I mean HUMONGOUS–were in Congress to explain how they managed to get record profits and STILL be subsidized by the Federal government. To a man, it wasn’t their fault. Their huge profits were in line with other industries. HUH? Say WHAT? Bear Sterns just went belly-up, banks are crashing in Europe, the bottom has fallen out of the housing market, and they say obscene profits are “in line”? Well, I guess the head of the line, 100 yards downfield of the second in line is still in line. It all depends on what a line is. Oh, they got hard hit by tough questions like, “How come you’re not investing in alternate energy research?” Well, there’s a good answer for that. THEY DON’T HAVE TO. Congressman, you act as if an oil company is supposed to behave responsibly. Corporations have no responsibility to act responsibly. Their only responsibility is to make the biggest profits they can get. And guess what. WE have made it easy for them to do that…

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Why Not Pay An Arm And A Leg…Cut Out The Middle Man!

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2006-07-28-soylent_gasoline.jpg(AP/WashPost) Exxon Mobil Earns $10.4 Billion in 2Q

(Reuters/NYTimes) Shell Posts 36% Rise in 2nd-Quarter Profit

(AP) BP profit up 30 pct.; CEO retirement set

(NYTimes) Conoco’s Profit Rises by Two-Thirds on Soaring Oil Prices

(Bloomberg) Chevron May Post Record Profit on Price Gains, Unocal Purchase

Yes, indeedy, feeling shafted at the pump–well don’t worry, your pain is OUR GAIN MWAhahahahaha. Wasn’t the Iraq war supposed to help us at the gas station? It looks like the only people it’s helping are the oil companies. But then again, that’s who Georgie and Dickie mean by US!

Be sure to have Your RED-GREEN GLASSES from the last 3-D movie you were at ready for Monday–HAIL DUBYUS! will be celebrating its THIRD ANNIVERSARY with a special cartoon!

UPDATE: (AP) Chevron 2Q profit hits record high but only 18%, awwwwwwwwwww…

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