An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

IO! SATURNALIA! The Holiday Designed to Offend … EVERYBODY!

Posted on | December 19, 2008 | No Comments

And A Happy New Year!

And A Happy New Year!

Well, folks, it’s Saturnalia time again. I started wishing people a Sated Saturnalia when everyone and their brother started getting offended by one holiday or another. You can’t say Merry Christmas or the Jews will be upset, you can’t say Happy Hanukkah or the Muslims will get upset, Black Americans want you to recognize Kwanza, Wiccans want you to recognize Yule, and atheists get mad if you wish them ANYTHING. Therefore, I resurrected Saturnalia, the Roman holiday celebrating the overturning of the established order of things–to be celebrated in the worst taste possible. This year it is appropriate, since the Masters of the Universe have had their collective asses handed to them and the Republican cabal has finally been turned out of the government. During Saturnalia, the slaves took the places of the masters–and we have our first President from the race that was brought to this land as slaves. Saturnalia was a time of feasting and license. All the mores were overturned and all the prigs of the Roman world were duly horrified. It was the favorite holiday of the year.
By the way, Io is pronounced YO! People who insist it is pronounced EE-oh have no imagination 🙂
And at this time of the rolling year, it is meet that we should overturn the old in favor of the new. Little did I realize five and one-half years ago that I should still be drawing HAIL DUBYUS! today. Fred and Bert Squirrel joined the team on September 20, 2003, bringing with them their occasional drop-in friends Priss and Randy. I thought sure that our modern Commodus would be turned out after four years, but I reckoned without the Fates. But finally we will no longer be be guided by Capt. Wrong-Way Peachfuzz…and suddenly, the name of this cartoon dedicated to his imperial rectalness, HAIL DUBYUS! is obsolete.
Well, all good things must come to an end 🙂
Nonetheless, SOMEthing is still needed, as we will be dealing with our dubious (Dubious–Dubyus, get it?) legacy for some time to come. Although Mr. Obama has promised change, something tells me he’s going to need a jolt from an electric cattle prod every once in a while when the mainstream media yell too loudly that we’re a center-right country and anything but staying the course (not doing anything) is too radical. Sadly, HAIL DUBYUS ran into some hard times when someone at HOOmonGLEous Search Engine decided to marginalize it by eliminating nearly all of its cartoons from its database. Despite my efforts, to this day only a handful of my 700+ cartoons remain in its Image Search engines where 2-1/2 years ago there were over 400. So this may be seen as an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
Therefore we are pleased to announce the creation of a NEW WEBSITE:
INTRAVENOUS CAFFEINE!  http://www.ivcaffeine.com/
Intravenous Caffeine will have its inaugural issue on–Inauguration Day, January 20, 2009. It will offer more cultural and social commentary as well as political…or just be goofy as the fit moves me. Fred and Bert will be joining me there, as well as Mr. Dymme, who seems to have been showing up with greater and greater regularity for a while.
And so, my friends, I bid you adieu–but only to invite you on a new adventure in the battle against idiocy. Now let the cry be heard:
See you next year …

Hey, I put my shoes out for St. Nicholas–and they NEVER RETURNED!

Posted on | December 16, 2008 | No Comments

Two Shoes that Shook the World

Why does democracy mean that people hate me?

Size 10, Bush cracked…how soon has he forgotten that when Saddam’s statue was toppled, the Iraqis came up and beat on it with their shoes? This is the way of democracy, he said. If so, why have the Iraqis turned al-Zeidi over to the military police for interrogation? Would it hurt Bush to say to al-Maliki–hey, don’t torture him, it’ll look bad for me and worse for you? Well, yes, it would, because Bush is a sick man. It took an Iraqi to do what many Americans felt like doing, what Nancy Pelosi ought to have done by initiating impeachment, telling Bush to his face just how low a scumbag he really is. It’s the best Christmas present the world has gotten in years. Too bad the man who did it is going to suffer for the actions no one else had the balls to do.

oooooooooooo my head

Posted on | December 12, 2008 | No Comments

Fred’n’Bert came in and told me it was time for the FIRST Christmas Party of the season and dragged me out to the Holey Tree Apartments. I don’t know what it was, the concoction they served me, but I only have this to say: Never, EVER, drink anything made of fermented acorns. The brew is bad enough, but the stuff they drink after distillation…it makes slivovitz taste like cognac.

Seriously, I’ve had a migraine for two days now and the shoulder I should’ve taken care of years ago has been badly acting up, so I kind of need a day off. I’ll be back on Tuesday with some additional holiday cheer. 🙂

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