HAIL DUBYUS!

An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

McCain and Palin, Just a Couple of Mavericks? Umm humm, sure.

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Bret and Bart discuss McCain's misappropriation of their name.

Bret and Bart discuss McCain

John McCain has been calling himself a maverick for I don’t know how long. Given the tightness of the Republican Party to act as one, disagreeing with them once in a while might constitute you as a maverick in their eyes. John thinks he bucked Bush over and over–yet as Barack Obama pointed out, over and over was only 10% of the time. McCain says HE stands for change. After all, how many times didn’t Obama vote with his party. But Obama isn’t promising to be a maverick–he promises change–and if McCain hasn’t noticed, McCain’s own party controlled Congress for 6 of the last 8 years. Although they’ve lost the House, they hold onto enough of the Senate to play spoiler for every Democratic sponsored bill, making THIS Congress have one of the worst “do nothing” ratings, not because they have tried to do anything, but because the Republicans have ensured that nothing will get done. Now as to the maverickness of Sarah Palin, I think she’s confused unbranded cattle with wild bulls seeing red at every corner. With wild abandon, Obama has become in her speeches: a terrorist, a Moslem, a hater of the United States, a Socialist…everything but beating his wife and skewering innocent babes when in his cups. Given the reactions of the mob she’s preaching to, those last would probably make them like him more. America just won’t be the same, said the attendees of one of her rallies to the Daily Show. Well, hell, haven’t they noticed how different it’s been since the usurpation of George Bush? How this last disaster in the economy is just the last straw on the bonfire of his policies? Maverick, as portrayed by James Garner (and his brother by Jack Kelly), never sought out trouble. He didn’t run wild, he sort of ambled, minding his own business when trouble would find HIM. Yes, he went his own way, but that way wasn’t as a pugnacious rule-breaking cadet, an unruly fighter pilot whose refusal to follow orders got himself shot down, not as a senator who votes no when it looks good, not as a demagogue stirring up a mob. No, a maverick lives by his own code and sticks with it when the going gets tough because it’s the only way he can live. And yes, I know the Mavericks didn’t cheat, but they cheated each OTHER all the time. It was only fair, they were brothers 🙂 They are a stand-in here for the REAL Maverick family of Texas…you know, the descendants of THE Sam Maverick who didn’t brand cattle? They seem to be none too pleased about John McCain right now: Rob Kaiser column: Maverick cringes at political take on family name. Oh and we’ve been working so hard on trying to get this site “Google friendly” that Fred’n’Bert took the night off to actually get some sleep in the dark 🙂

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Gwen, Do You Mind If I Pay No Attention To Your Questions, But Answer What I’ve Memorized?

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Palin Debate

Have any of you seen Sarah Palin’s “talent” competition? I don’t mean the one last night, I mean the one from her competition for Miss Alaska. Well, in it, she claims to have played the flute for ten years, yet she plays a piece that is so simple, a monkey could’ve learned it in ten weeks. Not to mention off-key, with no intonation and fluffed notes. I seriously doubt our Sarah had been telling the truth about her flautist experience. She’s a quick study, our girl, as long as whatever she’s learning isn’t too involved.

We got the same performance last night. Sarah announced at the outset that she wasn’t going to answer the questions, but she would give the answers she felt were appropriate. In other words, the ones she’d memorized. After her disastrous interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric (brilliantly parodied by Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live), the bar was set so low for her that Republicans claimed she won simply because she hadn’t been driven into eye-fluttering speechlessness, “I’ll have to get back to ya on that!” She did her usual “gee whiz, gosh, darn it, heckuva” shtick to sound human instead of a Stepford candidate, with multiple eye winkings at the camera which nobody told her doesn’t work on the TV audience as well as it does on the audience that is physically present (Old stage trick, if you wink at one person in the audience, everyone around that person thinks you’ve winked directly at them). Joe Biden was gracious and didn’t call her out on it for the most part, reminding me of a grad level class I was in once where our lone undergrad mistakenly researched the wrong emperor and without any ado, the professor and the rest of us discussed the emperor the undergrad HAD researched without calling any attention to his error.

Sarah couldn’t really answer everything, so when she was stuck, she went into a chorus of change that needs a maverick, and John McCain and she were just the mavericks for that change. Without ever specifying what kind of change she meant or how John McCain, who’d voted with President Disaster 91% of the time, could be called a maverick anymore…

Joe Biden didn’t make any of his own brand of gaffes and if you paid any attention to substance instead of just the packaging, it was obvious who was ready to be Vice President–the one a heartbeat away from the most powerful office in the land.

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Hillary Done Wrong Again

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Hillary Done Wrong Again

Damn, but that girl can’t win for losing. Men just do her wrong, even ones she isn’t married to. Now John Edwards owns up to his affair, and Hill’s campaign communications director, Howard Wolfson, complained that his lie cost Hillary the nomination.

(AFP) Edwards sex lie cost Clinton the nomination: former aide

Some of Hill’s supporters may stage a revolt and try to screw the pooch with a potentially divisive roll call vote at the Democratic convention. Beating McCain doesn’t seem to be the issue for these people. Getting rid of the disastrous Bush administration policies ain’t either. For them it’s Hill or nothing. I hate to say it, but the Republican strategy of winning another minority election by winning more electoral votes may have a chance.

In the meantime, here’s a link to the funniest and smartest political parody advertisement of the year, Paris Hilton’s response to John McCain’s “celebrity ad”.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

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