An Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the Imperium Americanum

Gwen, Do You Mind If I Pay No Attention To Your Questions, But Answer What I’ve Memorized?

Palin Debate

Have any of you seen Sarah Palin’s “talent” competition? I don’t mean the one last night, I mean the one from her competition for Miss Alaska. Well, in it, she claims to have played the flute for ten years, yet she plays a piece that is so simple, a monkey could’ve learned it in ten weeks. Not to mention off-key, with no intonation and fluffed notes. I seriously doubt our Sarah had been telling the truth about her flautist experience. She’s a quick study, our girl, as long as whatever she’s learning isn’t too involved.

We got the same performance last night. Sarah announced at the outset that she wasn’t going to answer the questions, but she would give the answers she felt were appropriate. In other words, the ones she’d memorized. After her disastrous interviews with Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric (brilliantly parodied by Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live), the bar was set so low for her that Republicans claimed she won simply because she hadn’t been driven into eye-fluttering speechlessness, “I’ll have to get back to ya on that!” She did her usual “gee whiz, gosh, darn it, heckuva” shtick to sound human instead of a Stepford candidate, with multiple eye winkings at the camera which nobody told her doesn’t work on the TV audience as well as it does on the audience that is physically present (Old stage trick, if you wink at one person in the audience, everyone around that person thinks you’ve winked directly at them). Joe Biden was gracious and didn’t call her out on it for the most part, reminding me of a grad level class I was in once where our lone undergrad mistakenly researched the wrong emperor and without any ado, the professor and the rest of us discussed the emperor the undergrad HAD researched without calling any attention to his error.

Sarah couldn’t really answer everything, so when she was stuck, she went into a chorus of change that needs a maverick, and John McCain and she were just the mavericks for that change. Without ever specifying what kind of change she meant or how John McCain, who’d voted with President Disaster 91% of the time, could be called a maverick anymore…

Joe Biden didn’t make any of his own brand of gaffes and if you paid any attention to substance instead of just the packaging, it was obvious who was ready to be Vice President–the one a heartbeat away from the most powerful office in the land.